Into The Woods
by Lio
Summary: The sequel to "One Last Problem." Need I say more?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: **Wow. This was a little fic that turned into a major headache.

My 'One Last Problem' readers knew I was going on sabbatical from my fic to work on a movie and a larger literary project. But because of their wonderful support I wanted to give my great readers a present in the form of a one shot I'd developed. So I figured I'd put the nearly-complete work on ice until Christmas, and punch a few things up when it came time to post. Really, with the fic looking as good as it did, why should it need any major work?

Oh, what a difference three months makes.

After a read-through several days ago, I realized that large sections of the plot made no sense. Worse yet, there was no emotional resonance and the damn thing read more as a PWP than an actual story. So I had to expand everything into a much larger fic. And the smut I promised in September doesn't even start until the next chapter.

Oy.

Still, while there may not be much to this chapter, what is there is choice. Sit back, enjoy, and don't forget to review. The next chapter will be up around this time next Friday.

Also: I d like to give a shout-out of much love to my darling girl, FuryOfTheFlames. She helped me out so much on this fic with her Beta work, writer's block demolition, bondage suggestions, and getting me asking - in abject confusion - "What the hell do you mean you like to use silk scarves and chopsticks during a blowjob?"

**Disclaimer: **Smut, smut, and more smut with plot sprinkles. There are some signifigant chapters with signifigant plot points, but overall it's just two kids letting off some steam.

**Rating:** NC-17 Doy

* * *

In retrospect, Hiccup knew he should have hid when he saw Astrid talking to Toothless.

It had been Bath Day, and he woke up finding he was last in line. Right behind the house, the armor, the weapons, and his father.

Not that Hiccup minded. He was still sleepy, still exhausted after staying up all night sketching and designing. And between a fuzzy head and time to kill he had a great excuse to wander up near the tree line.

... and as far away from Astrid's house as possible.

It wasn't that he didn't still love, need, and long for his fiance. It wasn't that he didn't want her every night and find some reason every day to wish the days would pass quickly. (One month, six days until the wedding, and counting.) And it wasn't that she didn't turn his head every time she walked by him in the village.

It was her mother.

He knew Bruhilda Hofferson was a battle axe, even by Viking standards. If growing up in the same village with her family hadn't clued him in, throughout the years of their extended courtship Astrid had mentioned it approximately a dozen times. A month.

But knowing it was one thing. Being on the other end of the woman's battleaxe after she and Stoick had preformed a shotgun engagement was another thing.

He had thought the woman liked him well enough before. Always a kind word, always avoided telling him he was an idiot even when the rest of the village was thinking so. He even remembered Brunhilda bringing Astrid over when she babysat them as little kids. She'd done so much to help their family after his mother's death. His mother had been one of Brunhilda's best friends and the Hofferson matriarch was proud that it had taken six monstrous nightmares working together to destroy her.

But as soon as Hiccup became her son-in-law to be, something changed. Even with the date set, and preparations being made, the woman would not stop finding ways of making his life a living hell.

Every time he and Astrid found themselves alone enough to share a kiss, hold hands, or walk down the street together, Brunhilda would come barreling out of no where and pounce upon them like a mad berserker. With the number of times he had been thrown in a body of water to 'calm his wanton urges' it was a miracle his clothes had had a chance to dry at all.

And it wasn't like he had any help discouraging her. Astrid got into a screaming match with her mother everytime she attacked. Then her mother would start screaming back. Then the battleaxes would come out, spectators would start placing bets, and Hiccup would have to scramble to higher ground to get out of the way. Even if Astrid was starting to win more and more of these fights, it didn't stop Brunhilda from seeking them out.

He'd already told Toothless that Brunhilda would be his mother-in-law soon - by all the tricks of Loki, mother-in-law! - and the dragon had responded to the boy's request not to harm her. A little too well in fact. He had caught his best friend laughing at one of his random soakings more than once, and looking a bit too smug about the situation in general.

But thinking about Toothless got Hiccup thinking about flying. There had been so much going on that he and his friend only flew a few times a week. Now that he wasn't just moping over Astrid, he did spend much more time with Toothless than he had. But he missed flying with his best friend. And he missed how flying cleared his head and helped him find solutions.

His leg had started to rust from all the random soakings, but it could still operated the levers to Toothless' tail fin. A few rounds around the island, maybe a trip to the preserve they'd established on Helhelm's gate... all could be done before it was time for his bath. And the trip would give him some thinking time alone with his best friend.

As he made his way to the back entrance of his house, he found a familiar tail wagging from around the corner. Happy he didn't have to look too far, Hiccup walked to the side of the house where Toothless was lazing on a lush patch of grass.

With Astrid. Who was talking to him.

"... like the cave." Astrid was saying to Toothless. She shrugged her shoulder to re-adjust the huge coil of rope she was holding on to, "It's going to sound bad, but I really won't be doing anything."

Toothless harrumphed, swished his tail, and didn't look convinced.

"Well, nothing bad. If we get into trouble, I'll call out your name. But otherwise - "

Toothless looked right at Hiccup. Astrid froze, and looked behind her.

"Hiccup!" she said, voice suddenly a little too high pitched, "Just - Just the man I was looking for."

"Really? You were looking for me? Wow, I was just... wait." Hiccup tensed and started looking around them for any oncoming attacks, "Where's your-"

"Mom's taking her bath." Astrid quickly said.

"How long is that going to take?"

"Dad's stalling her."

"Oh. Good." Hiccup smiled, "I was just thinking of you."

Astrid grinned - almost in spite of herself - and she looked at the ground as she adjusted the heavy coil of rope on her shoulder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean like..." Hiccup started.

"No." Astrid said, hugging the coil of rope to her side, "I... I'm always thinking about you."

Hiccup knew he looked flustered as he tried to run his hand over the back of his neck.

"Actually - " Astrid said. Then stopped herself.

"Yes?"

"I might need your help."

"Sure! Anything, just let me know."

"Well..." Astrid pulled the end of the coil out and handed it over to the boy, "I need to use this rope for something. But the knot at the end..."

"Looks like a smaller version of the Gorgon Knot." Hiccup finished. Learning Grecian stories was always his favorite part of Old Wrinkly's Latin lessons.

"I figured blacksmiths have strong hands and agile fingers, so..."

"No, yeah, I can help you out there." Hiccup said. He started to sit down, but Astrid pulled him up.

"I think the light is better over here."

"You might be right." Hiccup said, following where she was pulling him. "How did you get it like this?"

"Well, it took a while." Astrid muttered, "I think you might be able to get that loop free if your elbows were touching."

Entirely innocent, Hiccup followed her suggestion.

As Astrid shifted the rope around a bit, he could hear Toothless in the background, making a quiet chuckling sound.

"It almost looked like someone tied this knot, soaked it, and set it on fire. Where did you get this?"

"From Mom."

"Oh."

"It's all right." Astrid said, pulling the length of rope tight, and securing it with a loop around Hiccup's wrists. "I love mom. But leaving her house was number five on the list of reasons why marrying you was a good idea."

"You made a list?"

"It was a choice between making a list or driving myself crazy by thinking about you. I chose the list."

"Smart." Hiccup said, "She was only number five?"

"Number one was the fact that I get you as my husband." Astrid pecked him gently on the lips. "Number two was the fact that I get you as my husband." Astrid pecked again. "Number three was the fact that I'll be able to have your body whenever I want it." The next kiss was more of a kneading, grinding, begging thing that got tongues involved. "And Number Four is that I'm marrying into a family that won't blink an eye if I follow you into battle."

"I thought... that being the wife of the future chief would be on there."

"I don't place bets on raw potential. I'd rather be your wife." Astrid told him, "And, thankfully, any power you'll get will come in the future."

"Thankfully?"

"I think the more you learn to deal with people, the less distracted you ll become," Astrid told him.

Hiccup eyed her, confused.

And Astrid looked down at his hands.

Which were now tightly bound with rope from his wrists to his elbows.

Hiccup's head jerked up, but before he could say anything, Astrid's hands clamped over his mouth.

"Don't scream."

Hiccup nodded.

Astrid got up, tugging him towards the direction of the stairs and the gateway that led to the woods. "Move!"

Helpless, Hiccup looked back at Toothless. His friend was watching them with the same amused expression he wore while watching Brunhilda attack them.

"You want to do anything here bud?" he asked.

Toothless just gave him a lazy, knowing eye, and rolled over in a particularly warm sunbeam.

"Great. Thanks." Hiccup said dryly as he was pulled into the forest.

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**NEXT WEEK: **Astrid discusses her feelings and practices her nautical knots.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing, faving, and sending general good vibes my way. I love you guys!**

**And, as a quick heads-up before we get into the fic, be sure to check out my fic-centric LiveJournal: liofannat (dot) livejournal (dot) com.**

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"You do know there were other ways to talk to me, right?" Hiccup asked.

He was a little out of breath when he said it. They had been walking at a good clip for some time. They had long since passed the turn-off for Raven's Point and were going deep into the woods of the second island - places where people only went to hunt or train.

They were getting close to the shore at the far end of the island. Astrid kept up the pace, looking behind them every so often.

And she hadn't responded.

"Co-incidental fishing trips? Stopping by the forge?" Hiccup said, as he was pulled along, "Climbing up to my window after your parents were asleep? Dad wouldn't mind, and I'm usually up late."

"I notice climbing up to see me wasn't in the cards." Astrid said, looking behind her again.

"Well, climbing's tricky. Even if I could design something to help me, I don't run as fast as I used to."

Astrid stopped and turned to face him. Something in his gut twisted and fluttered as she used the rope to pull him closer to her. As she stooped to check his short leg, it turned into a warm, happy sensation.

"It's not that. It's just... there were ways you could have seen me without tying me up."

"Who says I didn't want to tie you up?" Astrid said, a little flushed as she smiled.

With a playful tug on the rope and they were off and walking again.

"What are we doing?" Hiccup asked.

"Just something I've been thinking about." Astrid said, "Probably more than I should."

"And you couldn't tell me about it before you started tying me down?"

Astrid's walk suddenly became more stiff and twitchy. "I wanted to! I really did! But Mom won't let us share a plate in the hall without screaming at me that I'm a harlot and dumping you into the nearest body of water." Astrid began waving her hands - and the rope in them - back and forth in frustration, "We certainly couldn't have a meaningful discussion about this! She would have broiled us both into stew!"

"OK..." Hiccup said, his footing unsteady as his hands were tugged back and forth. "That is a problem."

"And I know I should have talked to you about what you were comfortable with, but..."

"But?"

"But I've been dreaming of tying you to a tree and having my way with you since that night in the cave."

She leaned in close, lips parted, as if she was about to kiss him, but then pulled back at the last second.

"Hey!" Hiccup said.

Laughing, Astrid pulled him forward again, and into a clearing.

He remembered this place now. His father had taken him to this camp with Spitelout and Snotlout to practice. He'd done well with the bow and arrow, but when it came time to wield a broadsword, an axe, or anything remotely heavy he'd failed. His father's face kept getting longer and more irritated, and the louts' grins got bigger.

Hiccup had always counted it as a blessing of sorts that Astrid was stronger and better at battle than he was. What with the leg and his own inherent scrawniness, it was good to know that someone stronger would have his back.

At least until she had slammed that back against a particularly study oak tree.

"Ow."

Astrid's head popped up between his arms, one hand grabbed his ass, rubbing in apology. "Hands up."

Hiccup shook his head, his nose bumping against Astrid's. "Kiss me."

"Hands up and I'll kiss you." Astrid shot back.

"Kiss me... and I'll do anything you want." Hiccup said, eyes firmly fixed on her mouth.

Astrid grinned like a madwoman, and kissed him.

It was the kind of kiss he had wished he could have given Astrid when they got engaged. Deep, distracted, and long. Hiccup was becoming increasingly aware that the hem of Astrid's armor-plated skirt was rubbing against his knees. As his right knee nudged its way under the hem, he could feel the heat radiating from her center. He could feel himself starting to harden.

Every night he had dreamed of being close to her again. Holding her and feeling her weight against him as he slept. Waking up to the sound of her breathing against his skin. Just being alone with her in the woods made today better than anything he could remember in weeks. But the more he touched her, the more he wanted her.

Grabbing her ass with his bound wrists, Hiccup kissed her deeper, gently rocking his hips against hers. He couldn't help but remember how good it felt to be warm, and wet and so deep inside her that he couldn't remember his own name...

Which of course is when Astrid grabbed his hands and raised them above his head.

There was a rusty old hook a foot or so above their heads that could not be moved by any force. Snotlout had strung him up on it once, so he knew the old piece of metal could take a beating. Astrid hooked the rope binding his hands onto it and took a step back. She was eyeing him intensely. Like she wanted to drink him, eat him, kidnap him to some distant island and spend the remainder of their days fucking his brains out.

Hiccup whimpered, pressing his back against the tree and hanging by his arms.

"Come on, I haven't started anything yet." Astrid said, tilting his chin up to look at her.

"Oh, that kiss was nothing?"

"That kiss was you trying to sneak one by me."

"Almost worked, didn't it?" Hiccup said.

Astrid picked up the rest of the coil of wire and started winding it around the trunk of the tree, over Hiccup's wrists. She didn't say anything, and he figured it was a question she wasn't going to answer.

Until she passed by him, caught his eye, and said, "Almost."

Beaming, Hiccup craned his neck to watch her disappear behind the tree trunk.

"So what are we doing?" he asked.

"Whatever I want. I thought the rope got that aspect across."

"Besides that. What... what do you plan to do with me?"

"Well..." Astrid said, musing as she tied the end of the rope into the bundle now firmly surrounding the tree, "For a start..."

"Yes?"

Astrid leaned in close, rubbing her cheek against Hiccup's, and slowly trailing her mouth closer and closer to his. "I am..."

"Yes..."

"...not going to fuck you."

Hiccup couldn't stop his head from jerking back in shock. "What?"

"Nope."

"Oh come on! Why tie me down then, unless you are going to gut me like a... " Hiccup stopped, "... uh. Astrid?"

"I'm not gutting anything of yours! I want to use it later."

"Then why not use it now?" Hiccup asked, "You may not have put the final payment down on it, but you essentially own it all!"

"Mmm.." Astrid purred, as her fingertips lightly brushed over Hiccup's backside, "Own it..."

"You definitely own that."

Astrid squeezed. "Nice."

"It's just going to waste if you don't use it."

Astrid' mouth buried itself between Hiccup's neck and shoulder. Her body was flush against his, her hands still trailing maddeningly over his backside. Wait. Was that a whimper?

"Astrid..." Hiccup whispered. "Please..."

"I... can't."

She took a couple steps away, forcing some space between the two of them.

"Mom's been keeping us apart because she thinks I'm going to sleep with you before the ceremony. With the extremes she's going to to keep that from happening, she might as well have issued a challenge, and I am not going to back down from a challenge from my mother."

"Why has she been so touchy about us?" Hiccup asked.

"I have no idea. I mean, honestly, no idea. She doesn't even say anything to me! One time she told Dad something about making sure the wedding would go off without a hitch. Like drowning the groom won't mess up the wedding ceremony!"

"Did you tell her about... you know.. the cave?"

Astrid ran a hand through her hair. "As if I needed to. She knew the moment she saw me. Gods, she was pissed."

"She was the one who wanted you to bring me around!"

"With everything short of sleeping with you." Astrid said, "I wasn't kidding when I said it was my idea."

"I still don't get what the problem is."

"Join the club! I'm just glad I can have you and my revenge at the same time."

Astrid leaned in and smooched her boyfriend.

"If I fucked you now..."

Hiccup couldn't stop the whimper that came from Astrid saying that.

"...I could have morning sickness weeks before the ceremony. But if I pleasure..." kiss "... and tease..." kiss "... and do everything but the main event..."

Hiccup smiled.

Astrid dropped to her knees, and lifted up his tunic and ran a wet, sweet tongue over the boy's stomach.

His entire body shivered.

"Mmm." Astrid purred, undoing the clasp at his waist that kept up his leggings. Astrid hooked her fingers over the waistband of Hiccup's leggings. Then she sunk back down on her knees, pulling the garment with her to the floor.

As Hiccup gaped at her, his skin started to prickle at the sudden rush of cold air., "Astrid, I haven't had time to... improve... since the cave. I'm not much good to you after the third time."

"Which would be a problem if we were fucking. We aren't fucking."

Hiccup groaned. He loved hearing Astrid say that to him. And it only got more intense as Astrid placed her hands on his bare thighs and ran them up, slowly working towards his center.

He shivered and jumped but couldn't get very far. she had tied him down tightly, and he was starting to see just how trapped he was. "Astrid?"

She nuzzled under the flap of his tunic, mumbling, "Really should have taken this off..."

"Are you sure? I mean, could we just...?"

"No." Astrid said.

And she licked him.

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NEXT WEEK: The Perils and Joys of Torment


	3. Chapter 3

**Before we get into today's essentially plotless offering (I know how my readers roll...) I just wanted to thank everyone again for their continuted support.**

**I especially want to thank to people who have giving me a heads-up when there are posting or tech errors (thanks -!) and those who are starting to visit my ' liofannat' Livejournal.**

**This week the Livejournal is going to feature a series on 'Sex and Fanfiction.' Be sure to check it out!**

**And thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. I giggle like a school girl whenever I see a new one go up. Please keep them coming!**

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Hiccup all but threw himself back against the tree again. His skull bounced off the bark, and he found himself wishing he had hands that could clutch his head.

"OW." he snarled, sparks dancing in front of his eyes."Stop doing that."

"What? This?" Astrid asked, before pumping the rod, then quickly licking it again.

The pressure and the... wet... oh, the wet... made Hiccup convulsed in intense sensation. His cudgel had gone from increasingly interested to harder than steel forged by Thor himself with just one lick...

As he tried to stop twitching, Astrid got to her feet and threw her arms around his neck.

The smell of her skin began to infuse each of his desperate little breaths as her lips began peppering his jaw with kisses.

"Mmm..." she purred, still peppering, "...you know what I like about doing this?"

Hiccup started turning his face left and right, trying to catch Astrid's lips. "Just... one..."

"Are you even paying attention?"

Hiccup fixed her with a desperate look. Oh gods, even now he wanted to eat her alive.

A second later, they were trying to.

As they both began to grind against each other, devouring each other's mouths, and making noises like dying animals, Hiccup suddenly rubbed the wrong way. Hissing in pain, he jerked and bit down a little too hard on Astrid's lower lip.

"Ow!" Astrid yelped.

"Sorry." Hiccup said, jaw still locked in the Bite Down mode, "Grinding. Against spikes. Not wearing pants."

Astrid took a step back, slipping a sympathetic hand down to cup the package. Hiccup's mouth released her lip.

"I'm sorry, baby."

Hiccup paused in mid-kiss, "Baby?"

"Is 'Honey' better?"

"I'm not really into pet names... "

"You'd rather I just drop it?" Astrid shrugged.

"If you don't mind." Hiccup shrugged back.

"Would you mind if I took off my skirt and made myself more comfortable?"

Hiccup's mouth and groin surged forward at that remark, and one set ended up in a field of spikes.

"OW!" Hiccup hissed, irritated. "Come on!"

"I'm stripping, I'm stripping." Astrid grinned, taking a step back.

Hiccup watched her with anticipation...

... until he realized what she was wearing underneath.

It was a strange kind of underskirt that he had never seen before. It was sewn close to the hips, with two slits on either side. It looked like Astrid could move, just not open her legs.

He stared at it, honestly fascinated. Astrid wasn't a sewing and baking kind of gal, but asking someone else would have raised questions. "How long did it take you to make that?"

"We're not fucking."

Ah. She'd sewn for a reason. "Not even if I just..."

"No." Astrid firmly interrupted.

Hiccup bumped his head back against the tree trunk and looked up at the canopy of trees above him, trying not to be disappointed.

"I'm not going to leave you wanting." Astrid said, hands holding and gently stroking his face.

"It's just... you make me feel so good. I want to return the favor. I want... " Hiccup blushed, but hurriedly said it anyway, "I want to be inside you."

"You'll be inside something soon. I need to practice."

"Practice with w-"

Hiccup had to stop talking as Astrid dropped back to her knees and began kissing the tip of his shaft. Just the sight of if made Hiccup try to sink to his knees.

"...oh for the love of ALL the GODS!" he heard himself finish.

He knew the cudgel had two parts to it. An outer layer and an inner one. The outer layer covered the inner one when it was limp, but could be pulled back when it was hard. When Astrid discovered this as she touched and teased. She was fascinated. She gently pulled the outer layer back and forth, and Hiccup found himself squirming against her touch.

"...don't stop practicing... don't stop practicing."

Astrid laughed. And didn't. She licked over the head in tiny circle, slowly sucking more and more of it into her mouth. As she slowly worked on swallowing more and more, her fingers played with the skin, pushing it back and forth. He was panting and writhing against every small, warm little touch.

"Oh Gods... Oh... Oh Astrid..."

His eyes were practically rolling back in his head, the sensations were so strong. He'd prided himself on finding a way to drive Astrid to the brink of madness by just licking her and playing with her in the right spots. From the other end it was clear how easily a mouth could control an entire person. He was panting and groaning, head twisting back and forth, hands twisting in their restraints trying to get free.

And just as he found himself on the long winding road to release, Astrid's enthusiasm became a problem.

"Oh-OW!... Son of a - Teeth! Stop!"

Astrid relaxed her jaw and pulled back. "By Frigg, I'm sorry!"

"Ow... OW..."

Astrid got to her feet, throwing her arms around Hiccup's neck. "I didn't bite too hard, did I?"

"No, no... Just hard enough..."

Making a noise of total sympathy, Astrid nuzzled her nose against Hiccup's. Each light sweet touch was a gentle apology.

It turned back into a passionate, smoldering kiss within seconds.

"I never intended you to take this much of a beating..." Astrid told him, panting as she pushed herself away from him.

"Liar." Hiccup playfully responded.

"Well... If you want to be beaten, I can take it out of your ass." Astrid told him, grabbing the object in question and kneading it in an enticing manner.

He loved it when Astrid grabbed his ass. He loved that she loved to grab his ass. But this grab was more of a question. There were those who preferred to be their love be as violent as their fights. Most couples gave each other the occasional loving slap, pinch, or nibble. But it could go much farther. And being strung up like he was was one of the more ideal positions to go farther.

Hiccup would never deny Astrid the chance to try something. But with the ever-looming chance of getting caught, he was in no mood to try anything dangerous or hard to explain.

So as his hips strained forward to meet the warmth coming off of her body, Hiccup gave her a gentle, loving look and nuzzled his nose against hers.

She understood. Gently massaging the flesh where her hand had been clamped, Astrid nuzzled back.

"I can't do anything right today." Astrid grumbled.

Hiccup lovingly kissed her left eyebrow.

"Did it at least start off feeling good?" Astrid said,

"Yes. Gods, yes. Every time you touched me was good... it's just the teeth."

"Then I'm going to try something." Astrid said, pecking his lips.

Hiccup nodded and pecked her back.

Astrid dropped to her knees. Grabbing the outer layer, she pulled it down far enough to expose the head. She popped the head free of he skin surrounding it. Then gently pushed the head back inside her mouth. Then - being very careful where her teeth were - she started to run her tongue against the ridge of the outer layer that rested just below the head. Then her tongue began to probe the space between the outer layer and the flesh of the cudgel.

Hiccup had suddenly gone from placid to seconds away from exploding.

"Stop... Stop, I'm going to..."

Astrid rubbed his belly and everything below his waist twitched. She murmured comfortably against the flesh in her mouth, then working it with her hand, she pulled her mouth free.

He looked down at her and found himself staring.

Still working his cudgel with her hand, there was a line of fluid connecting her mouth and the head of his shaft. Her mouth had been on him. And the way she was touching him, it was clear that she'd do it again. He'd be back inside her mouth soon, being pleasured in a way that was so new, so strange, and so addictive.

Her eyes were so blue and they were staring right at him.

She was still rubbing.. and rubbing... rubbing...

...Odin help him, he couldn't stop.

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**NEXT WEEK: The inevitable... with just a dash of actual plot.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Few quick notes: There might be some minor changes here and there over the next week while I reformat the chapters.**

**People may want to kill me for this cliff hanger (and rightfully so, considering where I cut it) but a major chapter is coming next week, and the mindless smut with plot sprinkles here is building up to it. Please do not nuke my house from space! I swear I will make it worth your while!**

**And as always guys, I'm loving the reviews. Please keep them coming!**

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As his vision faded to white, he faintly heard Astrid ask, "How close ar- achk!"

When he came back to himself, panting and shaking, Astrid was giving him an irritated eye. Her neck was coated with a rather substantial load of sperm and Hiccup was sagging against his bonds on the tree.

"Well, there was a reason I tried this on a wash day," Astrid said, wiping the substance off her jaw.

Hiccup felt dazed. And drained.

"Not perfect, but I think I was on the right track." Astrid curiously eyed her hand, still covered in his release and stuck out a tongue to tentatively taste it.

"Line... between... mouth and... oh..." Hiccup heard himself murmuring.

"How are your hands doing?"

"Hands?"

"Can you still feel them?" Astrid asked

"Think so."

Astrid jumped up, grabbing the hook overhead and pulling herself up. He felt her lips on his fingers and he couldn't help twitching.

"Doing good so far." Astrid said.

Hiccup realized his lips were in line with her breasts. He took advantage of the position. He felt her shiver against him as he buried his face in her cleavage and kissed the skin over her heart.

With one arm, Astrid pulled him in closer. And began giggling and groaning as his lips started to wander.

"By Freya..." Astrid groused, pulling his face off of her breasts, "You know, this was meant to be for you."

"I'm having fun."

"And I'm supposed to be in charge." Astrid said jumping down to the ground.

"You're always in charge." Hiccup pointed out.

"If I was, your foot wouldn't be rusted, and I wouldn't have been desperate enough to kidnap you."

"Look, we've all got to make concessions when it comes to the wedding."

"Not this. I should have never given you up. I should have never let our families come between us."

"It's not so bad." Hiccup said. Although, being away from Astrid's skin made him start to feel his own exhaustion keenly. The cool breeze rustling the tree branches around him made him long for pants.

"Right. It's not so bad that I can't hold hands with you and take a walk. Or that we can't sit next to each other and have a meal together. And... for years I was allowed to stay by your hearth late into the evening with you and your father, but suddenly I have to be inside by nightfall. It's ridiculous. If I ever had any control, I would have been able to get this straightened out."

Hiccup began to slump forward, feeling more and more exhausted. The cave was one thing, but between release, and fighting against rope and a full grown oak tree, he was just becoming exhausted. "Mmm."

"I miss just saying good night to you." Astrid was saying, looking through the trees to the shore several hundred feet away. "Why can't I say good night to my fiance in full view of the rest of the village and my future father-in-law for THOR'S sake?"

Hiccup was fighting to keep his eyes open, determined to stay awake long enough to participate in the conversation. "Mmm."

He didn't realize he had closed his eyes until he felt Astrid's lips on his cheek.

"Sorry... S'not you... this is just really taking a lot out of me."

Astrid nuzzled him with her nose as her head rocked back and forth, back and forth.

Hiccup shivered as the slight touch of skin against his face.

"You're going to help me." she whispered.

"Hmm?" Hiccup asked, pulling himself back onto his feet.

"I need to find every place on your body that will make you shiver and shake, and I need you to tell me when I'm on the right track."

"My body isn't exactly ripe for exploration." Hiccup said.

"You've got no reason to be self-conscious."

"Who- Who said anything about being self-conscious?" Hiccup asked, self-conscious.

"And you were wrong about what I thought about your body before." Astrid reminded him.

Heavily, Hiccup exhaled. "All... all right."

Astrid ran her tongue, lightly, over Hiccup's neck. Hiccup twitched.

"Please don't bite." Hiccup breathed, "Just not the neck."

"Did you not like this?"

Oh he liked it. He was shivering just remembering how much he liked it. "I don't want to leave any evidence."

"I'm not going to leave anything visible." she chuckled into his ear. Then she licked the other side of his neck. "Is one side more sensitive?"

Hiccup was more than happy to let her do whatever she wanted. "Hmm?" he said, half awake.

"You said you were going to help me." Astrid said, running her fingertips over his stomach.

"Helping." Hiccup protested.

"Close your eyes."

Hiccup did.

Astrid slowly licked one side of his neck, warmth melting into tingling cold as the fresh air hit it. Then licked the other side.

"Which is better?"

Hiccup made a small noise deep in his throat.

"Should I try it again?"

Hiccup could do nothing but nod.

Astrid began licking with agonizing slowness any part of Hiccup's neck she could. A lick to his Adam's Apple just made him cough, and doing anything to his collarbone made him wish her mouth was lower.

But everything else... wow.

"I bet your ears are just as sensitive." Astrid smiled, whispering into his left one. With aching slowness she opened her mouth and sucked the lobe in. Her breath in his ear and her mouth working his skin made him mewl and twist his hands in desperation. Giggling, Astrid licked at his lobe and followed the whorls on the flesh into the center.

Something about the pressure of Astrid's tongue against the inner portions of his ear made Hiccup gasp. The sensation was so strange, so enjoyable, that he began moaning and rocking his head against her mouth.

"Mmm. nice?"

"Nice."

"And the other ear?" Astrid said, already playing with the lobe.

"Please. Please, please, please."

Astrid teased her fingertips around to his back as she all but purred into his other, "And it would have taken me forever to find this if you kept being noble."

The cold air and light touches on his torso made Hiccup's body shiver and arch away from the trunk of the tree.

"I want you to tell me what you're feeling." Astrid said, as firmly as she could while pressing her breasts against his chest and forcing him back against the tree.

"It's good. All of it is good."

"You were more descriptive before."

"I could think, then..." Hiccup told her.

"But you needed me so badly." Astrid said, licking his ear slowly. "You were begging me to... fuck... you."

The little bit of blood that had been left in his brain dropped instantaneously to his groin. Hiccup began breathing in short, quick bursts. Trying to hold it together.

"You can't tell me how you feel unless you're thinking about being deep in warm... wet..."

Hiccup began frantically thrashing against the ropes that held his hands up. He needed to touch her. He needed to touch her but his hands couldn't move.

"Stop."

Hiccup, unhappily, did.

"Breathe."

Hiccup panted.

"Open your eyes."

Aside from a hank of Astrid's hair, floating in the space over his left eye, all Hiccup could see was the forest. Peaceful. Green. Startling, after so long keeping himself willingly in the dark.

It did nothing to get rid of the burning rod of iron that had taken up residence somewhere in the area where his cudgel had once been.

"Keep breathing,"

Astrid's mouth was softly, lovingly pressed against his cheek and the one hand that remained under his shirt had started giving gentling, soothing touches.

"How do you feel?"

Gods, even he didn't know. He wanted to touch her so badly it hurt. But she was being very good to him. The feeling that she would care for him, lead him, do whatever he needed to do to feel good was wonderful. But the idea that she could torment him for hours with pleasures and sensations he couldn't prepare himself for was... well, fine, it wasn't exactly bad...

But there was one emotion that won out over all the others.

"I think I'm going to pass out."

"I've gotten you pretty close haven't I?" Astrid asked, mildly, against his cheek.

Hiccup nodded, still trying to take deep, even breaths.

"I didn't realize you were this sensitive."

A finger began curiously circling one of his nipples, flat against the skinny surface of his chest.

"Kind? Yes. Sweet? Of course. But sensitive..."

Suddenly she pinched the nipple and twisted it.

The pinch was a little too hard, and on the painful side, but it started building pressure up even further.

"I'm barely doing anything and look at you."

Hiccup was too busy twisting and moaning to respond.

Astrid stopped twisting and began frantically running the hand over his chest and stomach. "You just keep getting tighter and tighter and...

"Wait! Stop, go... go back."

Astrid's face came back into view. Her eyes searching his face.

"You like this." she said, as her fingers touched the sensitive flesh and twisted it again.

"Oh Gods, yes!"

Astrid's mouth was suddenly on his and as they frantically devoured each other, Astrid twisted the nipple back and forth, slowly. As Hiccup's hips began rocking against hers, Astrid began to join him in kind, her free hand sneaking down to grab his ass.

Then Hiccup started suddenly, throwing him off her. "Stop! Stop... oh Thor, I almost..."

"You liked it when I grabbed your ass."

Hiccup gasped, open-mouthed. "Yes."

"Which is more sensitive?" Astrid asked, frantic, "here?" The nipple was twisted again. " or here?" Her fingertips lightly touched the underside of his left butt cheek, causing his entire leg to twitch. The joint on the fake part of the leg squeaked like a startled mouse.

"Ah hah..." Astrid said, triumphant.

She dug her nails in, which for some reason felt very... good.

"I could have fun with this." Astrid grinned.

"Oh gods..." Hiccup wheezed, "This is really starting to hurt."

"Do you want me to stop?"

There was no logical answer to that question. Yes. No. Maybe? After a little more?

"Then... I'll keep going. Just tell me when you want me to stop."

* * *

**Once again... please do not nuke my house from space.**

**

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**

**NEXT WEEK:** A glimpse at an actual plot, and a discussion on the importance of communication.


	5. Chapter 5

For the life of him, Hiccup couldn't remember how long they had been like this.

Astrid's had not left his ass and were having a wonderful time grabbing and kneading and pinching and stroking. But her mouth was traveling. From his neck down to his nipples, and back up again. When he thought the stimulation of one was enough to finally push him over the edge, she would move back to the other option.

She had never stopped moving. Never stopped tasting or touching.

But it was finally too much. If he didn't give her warning, he'd embarrass himself again. So with a desperate voice he whimpered, "I need it... I need..."

Astrid pulled back, still rubbing his ass. "You need release?"

"Please. I'll do anything, if you just..."

Astrid's hand smacked Hiccup's backside. The swat was forceful enough for him to jump, but did not send him over the edge. Astrid kissed against his shirt, her lips began to move south.

"Yes."

Her hand wrapped around him, and began gently pushing back and forth causing his hips to twitch and rock.

"Oh yes! Please! Do that!"

Astrid licked the head, then slowly took it into her mouth and let it slip out again.

"Oh fuck... Oh Astrid."

"Let go." Astrid told him.

"It's just... all over you ... again..."

"I want to see if I can swallow you." Astrid told him, "Don't hold back."

"Oh GODS!" Hiccup screamed, as his body began to finally tip over the edge of sweet release.

Astrid had swallowed his head again and was deftly pumping him over the edge, mercilessly driving him to the point where he could see nothing but total all encompassing pleasure.

When conscious thought came back to him, he realized Astrid was coughing her brains out.

Scared though he was, he felt drained of every bit of strength in his body. He couldn't even stand on his own two feet. He was still hanging by his arms.

"Astrid?" he murmured, his voice sounding far too soft and far away.

Astrid cleared her throat several times in succession and got back on her feet, wiping her mouth.

"Sorry." Astrid said, her voice raw and a bit froggy, "I think I was at a weird angle."

"Are you... " Hiccup said, shivering.

"I'm fine. My pride may never be the same, but I'm OK. How about you?"

Hiccup smiled.

"Good." Astrid wheezed, "You came so hard, it looked like you were possessed."

"You're getting better."

"Oh. Oh yes." Astrid said with a wet snort, "this is what true skill in the marriage bed looks like."

Even with the red eyes and wet lips, Astrid's soft smile made Hiccup's heart sing.

"You're beautiful," Hiccup sighed, "I love you so much. I can't believe you're even trying this on me."

Astrid grinned. "Why wo-" she had a brief coughing fit, cleared her throat, and swallowed. "Oh Gods, did it get into my nose?"

"You OK?"

"Better. Why wouldn't I want to try something like this? I'm expecting us to have several decades together with my husband, and I'd like to go into the bargain with a few tricks."

Hiccup had never felt happier.

"Oh what?" Astrid asked playfully.

"Call me your husband again."

"You are. Like you said, I may not have everything paid off in full, but..."

"Yeah." Hiccup was beaming.

Astrid grinned back. "Smiling boy..."

"Hey, I never thought I be getting married, let alone..."

Being with Astrid, no matter how right or good, still felt surreal. Just five years ago he had known for a fact that he was never going to have a wife. When he was a boy he saw his visiting cousins bring their new brides and husbands, and he had attended the wedding of many a match made in the village. And every time he had felt reality come up and slap him in the face.

It got worse as their affections bore fruit, and the children appeared. Ever since he held a baby cousin as a small boy Hiccup had wanted to be a father. And here was a man who would play with his children in sunny days and tell them the old tales on long winter's nights. Here was a man who would get to hold his children on the first day of their lives and watch them grow up. Here was the life he would never have.

He was too much of a screw up. Too much of a hazard. If he had just been a weakling, there might have been some other remote tribe willing to make an alliance with Berk who could have thrown a troll-faced maiden into the pot. But even then, it was a shot in the dark. Chances were far more likely that he'd never have anyone to share his bed.

It was during one of his old training sessions out in these woods that he'd realized that. As Spitelout and Stoick shared mugs of ale around the fire while Snot and he pretended to be asleep, they told tales of their younger days. The beasts they had slaughtered, the feats they had attempted. The fine women who had all but fallen to their feet upon their triumphant return. You had to be brawny and fierce in battle if you wanted a girlfriend. And a girlfriend was someone who usually turned into a wife. Unless you were married off. And even then, you had to have something to offer.

"Hey..." Astrid said, cupping his face and pushing it up to meet hers, "I'm going to figure something out. Even if I have to strand Mom on Helhem's Gate for a couple hours, we ARE getting married."

"No, no... it's not that, it's just.."

Hiccup struggled for a way to say, 'I never thought it a million years you'd actually want to marry me' in a way that wouldn't get him smacked. He had heard his father say that even a life well lived sneaks up on you, and he suddenly realized how true it was. He'd loved Astrid for years. He'd tried to talk with her over and over again. He'd done so many stupid, awkward things just to get her attention. And he'd never really thought he'd have any success. He had decided long ago that he would rather hate himself for what he did than pine for what he could have done. For so long just getting her to say more than two words to him was a major victory.

What were the chances that she would ever want to spend time with him? Or that they would turn out to be as good for each other they were? Or that she would even stick around for four years... four years... while he got his head straight and stopped being noble about his leg? His good fortune was dizzying enough, but to have Astrid already calling him her husband...

"... it just hit me how lucky I am."

Astrid blushed as she cradled his head in her hands. "You've got to stop that."

"What?"

"Being so sweet. I brought you out here to have my way with you, not to cuddle."

"I'm happy to let you do anything you want to me." Hiccup told her, "Cuddling included."

"Will you still be this cute when we spend every waking moment together?"

"Astrid, we've known each other since birth. We've spent every day in each others company in one form or another."

"But we've never been married," Astrid grimaced. "I'm still waiting for you to do the normal guy thing and swear that you're only getting married under duress."

"Have I ever been a normal guy?" Hiccup asked her.

The moment he knew their engagement had been confirmed was nearly as momentous as flying with Toothless for the first time. Fishlegs had been the one to find him at the forge and tell him that his father and the Hoffersons wanted a word with him. He had raced to the Hall, running so fast his feet barely touched the road. They had only been out of the cave for a few hours, and anything could have happened in negotiations, but he knew... he just knew.

And then he was right in front of them. Slagbone Hofferson and his father were talking amicably about something. Brunhilda had been trying to talk to the men while simultaneously lecturing Astrid about something. Astrid, dressed in her dragon training best, snarled at her mother's suggestions and tugged at the grip her mother had on her upper arm. The elder woman passed Stoick a scroll - was the contract signed already? - then walked past Hiccup, nodding with a twinkle in her eye.

The group seemed to notice him at the same time. Slagbone eyed him grimly, Brunhilda had taken a step back, even as Astrid shrugged off her mother's grip and stepped forward. Not sure what this all meant, his eyes turned to his father.

Who smiled. And nodded.

Hiccup had never been a boy with his eye on the bawdy house or buying an adventurous female slave. He needed the love of a wife. He desperately wanted to be a father. And on night time beaches with only the stars and his thoughts for company, he'd wished for all of it to be with Astrid.

But he was Viking enough not to burst into tears of joy as he rushed forward and grabbed Astrid, fiercely hugging her and picking her up off of her feet. And before Brunhilda's open hand connected with the back of his head, he was overjoyed to feel her hugging him back.

"What am I going to do with you?" Astrid asked. She was looking at him, one hand planted on a cocked him, as her eyes viewed him the same way you would a baby terror.

"Excuse me?"

"You've been smiling into space for a long time now."

"Just thinking of your mother's backhand."

"By the Gods..." Astrid griped, "If she lays one more hand on you..."

"And babies."

"I'm still not fucking you."

"No, I mean our babies. Our children, after we're married."

"Our children?"

Hiccup felt his stomach abruptly hit the floor. "You do want to have kids, right?"

**

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**NEXT WEEK:** Family planning


	6. Chapter 6

"Right, of course." Astrid said.

Her tone was on par with agreeing that she wouldn't mind having cod for dinner. Hiccup couldn't help glaring at her.

"You know what?" he said, "Maybe you should let me down."

"Why? What did I say?" Astrid asked, "What did I say?"

"Astrid. Just let me down."

"Was it the kid thing?"

Hiccup found himself glaring over her shoulder rather than directly at her.

"It was the kid thing. By Freya, you should know me well enough... I didn't mean, "yeah, sure, whatever..." I..." She waved her hands back and forth as if willing the words to come out, "Dammit, I was just hoping to have a few years before we started changing diapers!"

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh. If I didn't want kids, I wouldn't have looked for a husband. But right now all that's on my mind is one long, lovely, undisturbed month of decadence with you."

Hiccup's mind flew back to the cave and Astrid begging him to fuck her in the orange sparks of firelight.

"I can live with that."

"I bet you can."

"I'm just surprised you don't want to talk about it." Hiccup pointed out, "It is something we're going to have to discuss."

Astrid's fingers were touching her lips, thoughtfully. Hiccup watched the movement, mesmerized.

"How many of them do you want?" she asked.

It took a moment and a "Mmm?" for Hiccup to switch gears, but he managed. "Three would be perfect."

"Just three?"

"How many do you want?"

"Seven."

"Seven?"

"Seven... or ten."

"TEN kids?" Hiccup wasn't going to be anywhere near the more painful parts of the birthing process, but that sounded like it would hurt.

"What? It's not that unusual. I'm the seventh kid of my family."

And the only surviving one. Astrid was a bad ass by nature, but her desire to be the best dragon slayer on the island hadn't just been about showing off her battle prowess.

"Could we start with three and see how that works out before we start going into double digits?"

"What, do you think I'm not mom enough to handle ten kids?" Astrid asked, fists suddenly planted on her hips.

"I never said that."

"Well then, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying its a different world and the only reason you'd have seven kids is if you'd like seven kids around."

Astrid eyed him with a searching expression for some time before she pushed her head into his chest and sighed.

"This is the worst kinky fling in the woods I've ever heard of." she said as she looked up.

"We needed this more." Hiccup told her, pressing his forehead against hers. "I miss just talking to you."

"I miss working stuff out with you. You think of things I don't, and you're such a good listener."

"And we've got a mountain of stuff to work out before the wedding."

"Yes! And it's not just how we're going to combine our two households." Astrid said, "It's..."

"How we're not going to step on each other's toes." Hiccup finished for her.

"And how we're going to find time... any time to be alone." Astrid agreed.

"And how we can get the village to accept you still working and training with the dragons."

"Or how we're going to deal if your father does decide to make you next in line for the Chiefdom."

"Or how we can actually fit my going down on you for two hours every morning into our schedules."

"Or how... " Astrid grinned, blinked, and shook herself out of it. "Or how I can concentrate on anything when I all I want to do is jump you. When did I tell you about that?"

"You started regularly implying it the first time we were able to talk alone after the engagement." Hiccup told her, "I still think that's the reason your mother started soaking me."

"... could you really go for two hours?" Astrid asked. Then flushed adorably. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

Hiccup's wrists reflexively twisted in their restraints. "You're right. Concentration might be our biggest problem."

"It's embarrassing. I mean, we're both intelligent people. If we put our heads together, we could come up with solutions to pretty much anything. But it all gets derailed the second we get distracted, and – are you doing that on purpose?"

Hiccup realized he was biting his lip. Sheepishly, he released it. Astrid kept looking at his mouth.

"I've heard people say the distractions get to be less of a temptation as we get older. Sometimes they stop entirely."

"I don't want it to stop." Astrid said, breathlessly leaning closer.

"But you did say you w-"

Hiccup found his mouth suddenly occupied by Astrid's lips.

"Mmm." He muttered, humorously resigned, "Mmm-hmm."

Astrid's hand was lovingly tracking circles over his chest. Then lower. Then lower. His exhausted member was limp in her hand but she still played with it. Gently teasing the soft, loose skin, and rubbing at the edge of the outer layer. She touched it like she would never tire of holding it in her hand and stroking it like a kitten. Hiccup could see them in bed, half asleep, Astrid quietly playing with him as they dozed off.

She pulled back suddenly. "Sorry. Getting distracted again."

"We can be distracted," Hiccup reasoned. "I've got no problem being distracted."

"No, no. You were right we need this. I've got no idea what mom will do to me when I get back and we need the time to... to..."

Astrid turned in a circle, and fell right back into the position they'd been in moments before.

She was playing with his balls now, rolling them between her fingers. He could feel them tightening as blood began flowing to his groin and filling him up and up until he was firm and pressing against the soft flesh on the inside of her arm.

"Wht... Wat... Wait!" He said finally pulling his mouth free.

"What?"

"Wait, wait... If you want to talk, we should actually talk about something."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing bad, I just wanted to ask... well..."

Astrid had not stopping being concerned. She had, however, stopped doing marvelous things with her fingers. Hiccup figured honesty was the best way to correct both situations.

"Look, I've been thinking about that night in the cave. Every night I wanted to..."

"Yes." Astrid breathed.

"Yes." Hiccup said quietly.

Bumping her forehead against Hiccup's, Astrid's hands began tracing the curve of Hiccup's hip from the side. The two of them were breathing shaking, panting breaths against one another's lips.

"But not just... I mean, I want to..."

"What?"

"Please, Astrid."

"Please, Hiccup?"

Hiccup nodded, "Please."

Astrid leaned close to his ear and lowered her voice, "With a whisper you got me to tell you every detail of what I was thinking, and now you think you can just get away with a 'please'?"

As every single nerve in his body lit up, Hiccup decided begging was the way to go. "All right... Astrid... let me eat you."

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**NEXT WEEK: **The rewards of proper negotiations.


	7. Chapter 7

**Just a heads up guys: I'm going to try switching to Saturday postings. After my late post last week, I noticed more people have been stopping by and checking out the updates. I don't if this is because we're all still on OLP's old schedule, or if people have more time on the weekends to peruse, but I'm going to give Saturdays a shot and see how it goes.**

**And a happy early Valentine's Day to all my readers... and to that special someone in my life.**

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"By Thor!" Astrid said, jerking back a bit.

"Please... just let me put my mouth on you."

"Why are you so cute when you fight dirty?" Astrid said, nuzzling her nose against his left cheek.

"It's not fighting, it's begging!"

Hiccup wanted so badly to touch her, and the fact that she was smirking and not untying him was making things worse.

"Gods, Astrid every night I remember what it felt like to have you grabbing my head and riding my face. It felt so good, but I was so tired that I couldn't respond physically. "

Astrid's hands were touching him again, although not in the places he'd like them too. Hiccup upped the ante.

"Don't you want to feel me kissing you? Don't you want to feel my mouth kissing you lower and lower until it- "

Astrid groaned as her mouth began to pant against Hiccup's. "I'm not removing the girdle. I'm not removing the girdle."

He had almost convinced her. He was sure of it. One more whisper, one more word, and she would cut him down. He needed to have his hands on her. He needed to feel her riding him, moaning in desperation.

"I'm not asking you to fuck me." Oh Astrid gave a nice moan at that, "I'm just asking for a reward for my good behavior. Please Astrid..."

They panted against each other's mouths.

"Did I mention that I can't feel my hands?"

Considering where Hiccup was, this seemed like a minor point.

But a moment or so later, a blade had swung through the air and Hiccup had fallen face first into the dirt.

"Hiccup! Shit... Hiccup, are you OK?"

"Hmm?" Hiccup asked, face still smooshed into the dirt.

Astrid turned him onto his side. He gently tugged at his wrists and found that he was still bound, even if he wasn't bound directly to the tree.

Then he was rolled over on his back, staring up at the swaying tree branches. And Astrid's concerned face.

"Are you OK?" she asked again.

"Wonderful." Hiccup told her.

Astrid was working at the restraints, and blood started returning to Hiccup's fingers with angry pins and needles.

"Ow."

"When did you start loosing feeling in your hands?"

"Don't know." Hiccup said, "Kiss me?"

"I want to see if you're going to loose any more limbs first."

Hiccup wiggled his fingers in front of his face to show they still worked. "Now kiss me."

Astrid straddled him. "Why don't you kiss something of mine?"

Victorious, Hiccup quickly scooted down as Astrid worked on the seams that held the side of the skirt together.

"Didn't you learn anything from last time?" Hiccup asked, thinking back to the bra fiasco during their first time.

"That's why I sewed everything down. I wasn't planning on using it!"

"B- why? Why didn't you think I would want to repay the favor?"

"I didn't think we'd have this much time." Astrid told him, then, with a sheepish mumble, "And I thought I would be able to knock you out quicker."

"Knock me out?"

"I thought it would be like licking a... I mean, how many bawdy tales center around a girl just dropping and..." Astrid was grimacing in frustration, and Hiccup realized what she was beating herself up about.

"Trickier then it looks?" Hiccup asked.

"...yes. All right? Yes. I thought it would be mind-blowingly easy."

Hiccup couldn't help grinning. It was nice to find out you were a natural at some skill.

"Well, if there's one thing I learned from dragon training, it's that if you don't naturally have a skill, you should practice until you do."

"Mmm." Hiccup moaned, wondering if he would ever hear that word again without getting hard, "Practice."

"Here." Astrid said, pushing his head the rest of the way down, "Practice on this."

It was dark and strange underneath what was left of her skirt. It was also wet and warm and familiar. He loved the feel of her lips against his as he nuzzled his way to that familiar little lump and licked slowly.

Suddenly Astrid's legs were clamped around his ears and his brains were in danger of being squeezed out through his nose.

Hiccup pushed his head against Astrid's thighs as much as he could. Somewhere along the way his hands had gotten pinned to his chest at a weird angle. It was dangerous work doing this when his arms weren't free to tap out. Astrid didn't get the signal, and he did it again before he felt her thighs release. There was some tugging as Astrid hiked the skirt back far enough for their eyes to meet.

"Sorry." She told him.

He pulled his hands up until they were sitting on top of his head. "Come on. Release me."

Astrid pushed his hands back down to the ground. "Not yet."

Pinning his hands to the ground above his head, she reseated her lips against his.

So, Hiccup decided to fight dirty.

He was at the perfect angle to do so. Astrid had resituated her legs so that they hugged the undersides of his raised arms. No matter how hard she squeezed, he could still get air. So when his tongue found the singular little crevice that he knew would make her tremor and shake like a mad woman, he knew she would be as trapped as he was.

She first started forward with a yelp, clutching at his bound hands. And at the second swipe she reared back, and he heard the rustle that was her hands searching over her clothes. His hands rose up to meet her and to help her out, but with a yelp she grabbed his wrists and pinned them back down onto the ground.

She stayed in that position desperately rutting against his mouth, as he did everything he could think of to drive her completely insane. Using his tongue, lips, and – with gentle and careful touches – his teeth, he played with the best areas of her center and explored new ones with enthusiasm. But he always took care to go back to that one little crevice on the side of the lump, the one that made her howl with sensation and made her whimper when he moved away.

The more she squirmed and yelped and pushed against him, the more he wanted to bury his face into her wet, warm flesh.

As his tongue slowly lapped back and forward over the little lump, Astrid started making a noise that he hadn't heard her make before. A kind of loud, repetitive, rapid fire noise that sounded like 'yi-yi-yi' spoken deep in the throat. Then she gave three strong cries and tensed before slumping forward, still clutching his hands.

As he felt his jaw and neck get warm and damp he realized she had found release on his face. She certainly hadn't done that in the cave.

And then he felt her mouth press against the top of his head.

"Again?" she asked.

* * *

**NEXT WEEK: Discussions of house, home, and bed ettiquette.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Despite 'health issues' which have had me heavily medicated and barely sentient for 24 hours, today's post promises to be a good one. **

**While I haven't heard any complains about the all-smut diet I've been offering you as of late, the plot will be returning with a vengance starting next week. So enjoy this chapter while it lasts. Because after the ITW smut stops, you have two sequels coming to you (one one-shot and one chaptered story) that is nothing but plot. All plot, all the time. Not a drop of smut between them. Well, OK, maybe one drop...**

**In RL news, for those who care, I'm starting a new job with a great company on Monday. Huzzah! Employment! **

* * *

If he could move his hands, this really would be perfect. He had lost count of the times Astrid had climaxed. He didn't even know how long he had been buried in the warm, soft, silky, warm cavern of her center. She was convulsing on top of him again, and he ran his tongue along her slit. He was getting addicted to the taste of her. And he'd figured out how to dip his tongue into her center pull it upward to flicking the little lump with one clean swipe.

But the fact that he couldn't really touch Astrid was still utterly irritating.

Especially when her hands were on his hair again. Her mouth against the top of his head.

"My knees are killing me." Astrid muttered against his scalp.

"We could have changed position." Hiccup pointed out.

"We could have."

"But you felt more in control?" Hiccup asked.

Astrid muttered something, sheepishly. He took that as a yes.

With a lean and a roll, Astrid was off of him. It made Hiccup remember the first time they tried this, lying side by side in the afterglow. Dazed and completely exhausted. He half-heartedly wiped as the fluids still clinging to his neck. He was certain the neck of his tunic was three shades darker.

As Astrid moved her knees, they popped back with a series of sickening cracks. Hiccup winced.

He looked over at Astrid. Amused, she waved a hand at her knees, inviting him to take a look. It was tricky with his hands still bound, but he got up and moved her legs back and forth, testing the movement and give of each joint.

It didn't feel like any bones were out of place and he felt no strange anomalies in the movement. But he kept gently moving and testing each leg. And not just because this gave him a clear view of Astrid, spread eagle and smiling satisfied at him.

Her center and thighs were still wet with countless climaxes. The curls that hand painted light designs over his nose and cheeks were dripping with moisture and the wet folds that held those inner rooms that he had lovingly painted with his tongue were so... inviting.

"Will I live?" Astrid asked, one arm wedged behind her head as she lazily stretched.

Hiccup lowered his mouth to her center, and set to devouring her.

There was no need to negotiate, ask her if it was all right, beg her to give something a try. He knew what she wanted. They were of one mind. It was a wonderful thing to understand a person like that.

Her thighs were back around his ears and her hands at the back of his neck. Her voice was already starting to cry out to Odin, Thor and all the Gods...

"Wait! Wait, Hiccup..."

Hiccup's pulled his mouth away, "Astrid, please... please tell me we are not doing that again."

"What again?"

"The 'I-want-you, No-I-don't' dance."

Astrid gave him a skink-eye that only Frigg herself could have rivaled. "As I remember, I was not the one leading that dance."

"Well, yes... and I'm sorry I didn't stop that dance number sooner, but we're right in the middle of the-"

"Wait. Just wait. Do you want to..." Astrid's hand was traveling down to an inevitable destination.

Hiccup had been pleasantly hard for some time now, but had no urgent need to get rid of it. After two hard, fast, demanding releases, it was nice to just be aroused but have no immediate plans. It gave him motivation.

So when her hand moved to grab him, he nudged his hips to the side. "I'd rather finish what I started."

"Come on. We've been finishing me for some time," Astrid said, as Hiccup repositioned himself. "And I'm not going to hog you just because I'm skipping through the great celestial hall."

"This isn't hogging. This... this is testing for our married life."

"What are we testing?"

"How I'm going to go down on you for two hours everyday."

Astrid flushed, "Has it been two hours?"

"See, I'm thinking." Hiccup said, lying down by Astrid's side, a handful of unseen twigs suddenly stabbing him in the ass. "We wake up like this. Without the rope, of course."

"Most mornings?" Astrid asked, quietly hopeful.

Hiccup saw nothing wrong with that. "Most mornings." He agreed. "And I roll over. Give you a kiss."

The kiss was a wet, shocking thing. He didn't realize how much they still tasted of each other. He could taste himself. And it was enticing to know that Astrid could taste herself as well. As they pulled back, he saw her lick her lips in spite of herself.

"And then..." he said. crawling on top of her and scooting down the length of her body to finish the thought. Her hand was on the top of his head and happily pushing him down, down, down.

"I wish you were inside me." Astrid moaned as his nose brushed her belly button.

Hiccup had been trying not to think about being buried deep inside his wife, desperately pounding her tight, willing flesh until they both clutched at each other, screaming in mutual ecstasy. And he'd been able to do it until that one little sentence. He had to take a moment, breathing deeply and pressing his face against his wife's belly, before the sudden pounding in his ears stopped.

"You know I want to be inside you." He said, as calmly as he could. "But we're not testing that right now."

"Any chance we could we test something that feels like it?"

Hiccup plunged his two thickest fingers into his wife's center. He groaned just as she did. He couldn't let himself think about how wet Astrid was, how smoothly his flesh pushed in and out of hers.

"That works." Astrid told him, "Oh yes, that works. Harder."

Couldn't think of harder either. Being harder was fine. You couldn't help being harder. Especially now. But thinking about it wasn't going to help anyone.

"Wait." She said, "Push me up. Push me against the tree."

A flip and a twist and they were both sitting up with Astrid propped up against the tree. It felt good to pin her down and to feel her body rutting against his hand. Not that he was thinking about it. It was sexy as hell to watch her touch herself as his hand pounded into her. Not that he was thinking about it. And it lit up his body like a house fire tasting himself on her lips as their tongues and teeth clawed at each other with wet desperate kisses. And there was no way he could stop thinking about that.

Suddenly Astrid twitched, her fingers grinding down on the lump like she was trying to spark a flint. "OH! Yes, I... Hiccup... wait.. wait... Harder! Please, I..." As he leaned against her and began pushing inside her with greater force, Astrid arched against the tree with a shriek as her entire body tightened. Her free hand grasped desperately at the bark for a few frantic moments before sliding back down to her knees.

"Ow."

"Careful." Hiccup said, lending her a shoulder so she could readjust herself.

"I'm fine. That was worth it." She told him. Limply relaxed against the bark, Astrid was watching him extend her legs with bound hands. Her hands started running over his back, arms without strength still possessively clutching at the flesh of his back.

"I want to do this to you." Astrid panted. "I want to know how to roll over in bed and use my mouth to wake you up. And I want to know how to do it right. Can we test that?"

Having Astrid's mouth on him would have sounded wonderful if it didn't look like she was about to keel over. "You look like you could wait a few minutes."

"I have strength enough." She swallowed, "Show me. If you were just about to wake up, how would you want me to come to you?"

* * *

**NEXT WEEK: **Smut, Smut, Smut, Cliffhanger, and... wait. Plot? Plot! Hey man! Long time no see! How's the wife and plot bunnies?


	9. Chapter 9

**IF someone tells you in just seven days they can make you a man, ask them if those are calendar or business days.**

**...wow. Combine a customer service job with watching a certain movie on you day off and your thought processes get really weird.**

* * *

Hiccup was learning things that would help their marriage.

Like what to do when your devastatingly lovely warrior wife wants to do things that she wasn't physically able to.

It had been a long, lovely afternoon, and he wouldn't have traded it for the world. Even with the certain knowledge that they were so, so, so obscenely busted when they returned to the village.

But right now neither of them should have been ready for anything more than a good nap. Every time he had found release he had fought off the urge to curl up and sleep. Even with arousal prickling his senses and pulling his attention to Astrid's full, swollen lips, he couldn't deny that curling up in a bedroll was appealing.

But even with popping knees, bark marks on her back, and a body so tired it swayed when it tried to sit up, Astrid wanted to keep going. And he didn't know if it was because she loved him or she was grasping at her one last act of physical love for a while.

He laid back on the dirty forest floor.

"You're taking a nap now?"

"Hey. Come here. Relax." Hiccup said, "This is part of it. Let's pretend we are in bed. Our bed. Back home. It's our day off and you woke up a few moments before I did. What would you be doing?"

Astrid crawled over and laid down next to him. Her still-sweaty skin was cold, and the hand that crawled under his shirt moved back and forth, more trying to warm up than anything else. Her legs touching his made him realize how cold parts of him were.

"You like the left side of the bed, then?"

"I just like being against the wall."

"The wall in our bedroom is on the right side of my bed. We could move it, but with the size of the new bed, it fits better that way."

Astrid shimmied against his side. "The bed's done?"

"Almost. Fartette is still sewing the mattress."

Astrid crawled over Hiccup to his right side. "So where have you been sleeping?"

"In the new bed. The frame is pretty comfy. So long as Toothless doesn't light it on fire again."

"Why would Toothless torch our bed?"

"It's the way he makes his bed in the wild! You know when he can't hang off of something, like a tree branch, a cliff..."

"A support beam to scare your father at an hour of the morning that even Loki wouldn't be up in..."

Hiccup laughed. Oh man. That morning would be a drinking tale for the rest of their lives. "Right. He usually sleeps on heated stone. The bottom of our bed felt like stone, so he tried to heat it."

"Like a cat scratching at furniture to sharpen its claws." Astrid said. She squirmed. "If we were up early in the morning, I think I would be spooned up against you."

Hiccup obliged, rolling over on his left side so Astrid could spoon up against his back. Her leg comfortably wrapped around his waist, and her arm grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in close.

"Once I put down a few furs he got the picture. He usually spends the colder night in the bed dozing under them."

Astrid yawned. "Sensible. But he always learned fast. Makes you wonder if the rest of the furies are just as smart."

"I can't wait for this." He told her.

"This?" she asked, gently shaking his shoulder.

"Yes."

Her nose nuzzled into the crook of his neck, comfortable and content. "Yes."

His hand lazily rubbed at her leg, half dozing, half enjoying the feel of her skin. A long, thin scar he hadn't noticed on her upper thigh made itself known with every swipe.

"What do you say in a few minutes we find our clothes and sneak back?"

"We have unfinished business." Astrid murmured against his neck.

"You're not bad at it". He kept his tone even. No inflections, so sympathetic tone. It was a statement. She wasn't, really.

"I'm not as good as you." The 'yet' was clear.

"I've got no objection to you practicing, but you can't suck me dry every time you want to prove your worth."

As soon as the statement was out of his mouth, he wanted to retract it. He had no problem with Astrid occasionally going down on him to prove a point. Those blue eyes flashing up with him, determined to make him twist and need and beg. Her tongue running over every inch of his cudgel while her teeth scraped dangerously against his sensitive skin.

Just not... every single time.

It didn't help his case that he had abruptly gone hard as a rock.

"I won't suck you dry, but I am going to have you once more before we go back to the village."

Hiccup wanted to be flattered, but there was something else to all this. They had gone many, many times this afternoon, and even Astrid was too exhausted to continue. It was almost as if she was just stalling now...

"You can't stall us forever. We're going to have to go back eventually."

Astrid, face smooshed into Hiccup's shoulder, made a supremely irritated noise.

"What was that?"

"I. Said. I. Know." Astrid spat out.

Hiccup rolled on his back to look at her. Astrid had always been less able to hide her feelings when she was exhausted, and irritated despair was clear in the way she angrily stared at his shoulder.

"Isn't there a way we could get married now?" she asked, bargaining." Some of the lower islands might let us marry now. Or one of the Roman settlements would. We could fly down, come back, and all this... this wedding stuff would be behind us."

"Astrid, we can't..."

"People elope. It could be done. Tonight I could be curled up in bed with you and Toothless, and looking forward to the future instead of just counting down when it will happen."

"It would destroy your family." Hiccup told her.

The little twitch of Astrid's shoulder said that was pretty much the point.

"Ah. And it would destroy your mother."

"Twofer." Astrid agreed.

"We're the only surviving children of two great families, and everyone in the village wants to see us have a proper wedding ceremony. I want to see what you look like on our wedding day."

"And I want to lick you until you explode down my throat. It doesn't look like either of us are getting what we want."

"All right. If we get married later, you can suck me off now."

"I can see that's going to be a big sacrifice for you." Astrid said, grinning at his stiff cudgel.

"Marriage is all about compromise." Hiccup reminded her.

"And I'd be more than happy to compromise you all day... Astrid stopped, her head popping up. Wait. Did you hear that?"

* * *

**NEXT WEEK: It's exactly what you think and they are out to get you.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I just got back after a long movie shoot and realized that the formatting hadn't saved. Sorry guys. The needed changes have been made.**

**Two big things for today's chapter: One, this is the last time you've going to see smut for a while. Two, this is the penultimate chapter of ITW. After this there's just one more chapter and a short epilogue.**

**But don't get too bummed out. I've got a treat for you guys. On my LJ, I've got new articles, answering the unanswered FAQs of OLP and answering the rather sensible reviewer question of "Why don't they just have anal sex?"**

**Be sure to check them both out and keep the great reviews coming!**

* * *

The trees swayed silently above them, not even a stray breeze interrupting the silence.

They both lay there, frozen in one position.

"What did it sound like?" Hiccup asked.

"Voices."

"Human voices?"

"Familiar voices." Astrid said, irritated and grim.

Someone was bound to go looking for them. At least they had had some time together before the yelling started. Hiccup got up, only to have Astrid push him back down again.

"I thought we had compromised on this." Astrid told him with a greedy look in her eye.

"We really should be running." Hiccup said.

Astrid sat so the base of her spine was pressed against his stomach. She turned, leaned down, and swallowed half of his length in one motion.

It felt more natural, now that she had some practice. And it was actually far more comfortable lying down. She really seemed to savor the sensations of his skin under her hands and on her tongue. Hiccup felt so good, all he could do is look up at the swaying tree branches above them and feel her mouth on his shaft.

Astrid ran her hands over his stomach, soothingly sweet.

There was a distant crack, and a voice cried out somewhere deep in the forest. Hiccup tried to get up to see where it was, but Astrid pushed him back down. He got up again, and shot her a glare before he started looking around them. The forest was quiet and still, and he couldn't see any movement in the misty spaces between the trees.

But if had remembered anything about training in these woods it was that...

... when Astrid moved from swallowing him to licking the space between his cudgel and his balls it felt so good.

"Squeeze them?" he asked.

Astrid looked up at him, not moving her mouth. Then with a gentle hand she cupped the two spheres and squeezed gently.

"That's it. Keep doing that. A little harder."

Astrid would have smiled if her mouth wasn't full. She squeezed and rolled them together, all the while working his meat with her hand and her mouth. She tasted him like she wanted to swallow him whole. It felt good. So good. Even the light, accidental scraping of her teeth against his flesh made him harder.

Oh gods, he was going to release soon. He needed to tell her so she wouldn't choke.

There was another cry from the forest. The voices did sound familiar. And they had gotten closer.

Astrid pried her mouth away. "Ignore them."

"That's not going to be an option in a few minutes."

"I have you until then."

The determination in her eyes was lovely. And the fact that she was still stroking him with a longing hand didn't hurt either.

"Keep going, I'm close." He breathed.

Astrid lit up. "Yes. Oh yes." She swallowed him again, moaning and rubbing against him like a dragon in kitty grass. Just the vibration of her mouth groaning against him was intense. He had never thought speaking against his flesh could make him want to scream his head off. His hips started pushing his cudgel deeper into her mouth. Astrid's mouth started making voices that were a little high, but her hands and mouth never stopped moving. Driving him on...

The voices came from the left. They were searching.

Hiccup heard himself make a frustrated noise through his teeth. He had been on the road. He had seen his destination. At least she hadn't stopped. He was so close, he wanted to be down his wife's throat as he came hard enough to black out.

And then, with his still tied hands, he grabbed the back of Astrid's head.

There was still some small sliver of self preservation that started chanting that he was signing his death warrant, but he didn't care. He grabbed the hair on the back of her head twisting it slightly. Astrid grabbed his fingers, pulled his hands off her hair, and sat up with a gasp.

"Ow." She coughed, "Careful!"

"Sorry! I didn't... I mean.." Hiccup hated when he found himself babbling

"I... didn't say stop." Astrid told him, carefully.

Oh. Oh Hel yes.

"Gently!" She said lowering her mouth onto him again. Licking and sucking on him, and her hands begged his body to give her his release. His hands grabbing onto her hair, her shoulders, her back, trying to impale himself so deeply inside her that he would never leave.

And then it was enough.

His toes curling, he felt himself pouring into Astrid's mouth. He felt her sputtered, then drink him down as if his very essence was as sweet as mead. And then, for a moment, he felt nothing at all.

Hiccup blinked up at the canopy of trees above them... only to see the curious face of his best friend blinking down at him.

"Is there anyway to tell you this isn't what it looks like?"

Toothless couldn't have been thinking anything but 'Really?' Curious, his sniffed at Hiccup's stomach, covered with splattered semen and a still panting Astrid

"Bud, not that you're not going to see this eventually... but how much did you s-"

Astrid's mouth was on his. Wet, red, and a little bitter. He'd never stop loving the taste of himself on her lips.

There was another shout from the distance, closing in.

"We should run," he whispered.

"Good idea."

* * *

**NEXT WEEK: The dash for home, transperant excuses, and negotiations.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I just got back after a long movie shoot and realized that the formatting hadn't saved. Sorry guys. The needed changes have been made.**

**Two big things for today's chapter: One, this is the last time you've going to see smut for a while. Two, this is the penultimate chapter of ITW. After this there's just one more chapter and a short epilogue.**

**But don't get too bummed out. I've got a treat for you guys. On my LJ, I've got new articles, answering the unanswered FAQs of OLP and answering the rather sensible reviewer question of "Why don't they just have anal sex?"**

**Be sure to check them both out and keep the great reviews coming!**

* * *

The trees swayed silently above them, not even a stray breeze interrupting the silence.

They both lay there, frozen in one position.

"What did it sound like?" Hiccup asked.

"Voices."

"Human voices?"

"Familiar voices." Astrid said, irritated and grim.

Someone was bound to go looking for them. At least they had had some time together before the yelling started. Hiccup got up, only to have Astrid push him back down again.

"I thought we had compromised on this." Astrid told him with a greedy look in her eye.

"We really should be running." Hiccup said.

Astrid sat so the base of her spine was pressed against his stomach. She turned, leaned down, and swallowed half of his length in one motion.

It felt more natural, now that she had some practice. And it was actually far more comfortable lying down. She really seemed to savor the sensations of his skin under her hands and on her tongue. Hiccup felt so good, all he could do is look up at the swaying tree branches above them and feel her mouth on his shaft.

Astrid ran her hands over his stomach, soothingly sweet.

There was a distant crack, and a voice cried out somewhere deep in the forest. Hiccup tried to get up to see where it was, but Astrid pushed him back down. He got up again, and shot her a glare before he started looking around them. The forest was quiet and still, and he couldn't see any movement in the misty spaces between the trees.

But if had remembered anything about training in these woods it was that...

... when Astrid moved from swallowing him to licking the space between his cudgel and his balls it felt so good.

"Squeeze them?" he asked.

Astrid looked up at him, not moving her mouth. Then with a gentle hand she cupped the two spheres and squeezed gently.

"That's it. Keep doing that. A little harder."

Astrid would have smiled if her mouth wasn't full. She squeezed and rolled them together, all the while working his meat with her hand and her mouth. She tasted him like she wanted to swallow him whole. It felt good. So good. Even the light, accidental scraping of her teeth against his flesh made him harder.

Oh gods, he was going to release soon. He needed to tell her so she wouldn't choke.

There was another cry from the forest. The voices did sound familiar. And they had gotten closer.

Astrid pried her mouth away. "Ignore them."

"That's not going to be an option in a few minutes."

"I have you until then."

The determination in her eyes was lovely. And the fact that she was still stroking him with a longing hand didn't hurt either.

"Keep going, I'm close." He breathed.

Astrid lit up. "Yes. Oh yes." She swallowed him again, moaning and rubbing against him like a dragon in kitty grass. Just the vibration of her mouth groaning against him was intense. He had never thought speaking against his flesh could make him want to scream his head off. His hips started pushing his cudgel deeper into her mouth. Astrid's mouth started making voices that were a little high, but her hands and mouth never stopped moving. Driving him on...

The voices came from the left. They were searching.

Hiccup heard himself make a frustrated noise through his teeth. He had been on the road. He had seen his destination. At least she hadn't stopped. He was so close, he wanted to be down his wife's throat as he came hard enough to black out.

And then, with his still tied hands, he grabbed the back of Astrid's head.

There was still some small sliver of self preservation that started chanting that he was signing his death warrant, but he didn't care. He grabbed the hair on the back of her head twisting it slightly. Astrid grabbed his fingers, pulled his hands off her hair, and sat up with a gasp.

"Ow." She coughed, "Careful!"

"Sorry! I didn't... I mean.." Hiccup hated when he found himself babbling

"I... didn't say stop." Astrid told him, carefully.

Oh. Oh Hel yes.

"Gently!" She said lowering her mouth onto him again. Licking and sucking on him, and her hands begged his body to give her his release. His hands grabbing onto her hair, her shoulders, her back, trying to impale himself so deeply inside her that he would never leave.

And then it was enough.

His toes curling, he felt himself pouring into Astrid's mouth. He felt her sputtered, then drink him down as if his very essence was as sweet as mead. And then, for a moment, he felt nothing at all.

Hiccup blinked up at the canopy of trees above them... only to see the curious face of his best friend blinking down at him.

"Is there anyway to tell you this isn't what it looks like?"

Toothless couldn't have been thinking anything but 'Really?' Curious, his sniffed at Hiccup's stomach, covered with splattered semen and a still panting Astrid

"Bud, not that you're not going to see this eventually... but how much did you s-"

Astrid's mouth was on his. Wet, red, and a little bitter. He'd never stop loving the taste of himself on her lips.

There was another shout from the distance, closing in.

"We should run," he whispered.

"Good idea."

* * *

**NEXT WEEK: The dash for home, transperant excuses, and negotiations.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Well folks, this is it. Remember to check my Livejournal and Twitter feeds for new updates and random blatherings. I'll be back in a few months with a fantastic one-shot. See you then!**

* * *

It was the waiting that was killing him. Astrid had long since cleaned up, His father had long since caught them and had finally stopped chuckling. And he was finally getting a much-needed soak.

But even as Toothless was lazily chewing on the wooden base of his false leg, the air felt tense and solid. He could hear Astrid and his father sharpening axes out on the front lawn. They'd be getting a visitor eventually, and he didn't know when.

Astrid and his dad had been talking strategies, what to do when the fight finally came. But Hiccup didn't know if he should be a part of things, or just run to the hills. As much as things

"Astrid!" Brunhilda's voice came, sharp as a snapped bowstring. Hiccup felt his shoulders tense as the weight of the authority in her voice hit him upside the back of the head

... really, how much dishonor was there in heading to the hills?

"Hello mother." Astrid said, trying to keep her tone conversational.

"Hello Bru." Said his father, trying to keep amusement out of his voice.

"Just where have you been you little harlot?"

"Bru, your daughter has been with me. The family's battleaxes needed some sharpening. She asked if she could sit with me while my son finished his bath."

"Trying to sneak a little peak, you little concubine?" Brunhilda's voice had risen to a level usually used to call ships.

"MOM!"

"You enlisted your father in this vile little enterprise, didn't you? The second my back was turned-!"

"Bru!" His dad's voice was as strong and sudden as a thunderclap appearing in a blue sky, "Is this the way you want your daughter to remember her last days in your house?"

There was a pause. Hiccup would have given a toe to see what was going on. Because when Brunhilda spoke, it was as if nothing had happened at all. "So you admit that she is still mine?"

"Bru." Dad rumbled

"I didn't know if you were so eager to have a child in your house who could actually hunt and fight that you had already moved her in." Brunhilda hissed

"Bru, it is not my behavior that has gotten the village talking." Dad said, slowly and firmly.

Brunhilda didn't answer.

"It is one thing to be wary of the boy marrying your daughter. But you have become vicious and callous to my son. And the village has noticed your behavior. And has noticed how... hypocritical you've become, in light of past events."

"What past events Stoick?"

"You know what events I speak of. And so does the rest of the village. And if you continue to attack my family in the streets, they will not consider your banishment unfair."

Brunhilda did not say anything, but Hiccup did hear the small metallic noises that came from a battleaxe being shifted from a lap and placed on a stool.

"Mom. Let's go home."

"Do not order your own mother." It sounded as if Brunhilda's words were being pushed through her teeth like flour through a grindstone.

"My own mother came to get me a bring me home! So let's go home."

There was a pause, and then the sound of two pairs of angry footsteps marching down the drive. Two women's voices were arguing as they went.

When his father sighed, Hiccup figured it was safe. Even if Toothless had made off with his foot. Pulling on his loincloth and leggings, he hopped over and emerged from behind the screen. His dad was sitting on the stoop of their home, helmet under his arm as her ran a hand over his head.

"Son. Never get involved in a fight between two women."

"Gotcha. Listen Dad, when we were... alone, Astrid said one way or another she was going to negotiate with her mother." Hiccup hopped over, keeping one hand on the side of the house, and sat down beside his father on the stoop.

"Aye." His dad told him.

"She... she is only going to be grounded until the wedding, right? I mean, Mrs. Hofferson has to let her out for the ceremony at least..."

His Dad's low rumble of laughter surprised Hiccup. Just like the clap on his back knocked the wind out of him.

"Bru isn't that bad of a woman. Tough as nails. Good in a fight."

"Able to make son-in-laws flee in terror?

"That too. But you've got to understand Hiccup: she's not angry at either one of you, she's just scared. Out of all the people on this island, she knows how badly a marriage can go."

Hiccup didn't know that. For his entire life it had been the happy Mr. and Mrs. Hofferson. They were a married couple who was joined at the hip, mooning over each other when they weren't fighting dragons or negotiating in the war room. "Astrid's parents have a bad marriage?"

"No. You see, son..." His father looked at him carefully, "I'm telling you this as a man."

"Yes dad."

"Brunhilda wasn't born on Berk. She was bought as a bride for a man named Old Greasy. The slimy bastard couldn't have gotten a wife if gold hadn't been a factor. She had been married to the old scum bucket for months before he keeled over."

There was a familiar whimpering rumble as Toothless flamed the ground at their feet and curled up on it. Looking at his best friend, Toothless spat Hiccup's foot on the ground next to him. Apparently Toothless though that that was payment enough for story time.

"The time Bru spent as his wife injured her heart." His dad said as he scratched Toothless' neck playfully, "We thought, after she told us she was staying in Berk, that she'd become a shield maiden. She even began taking on duties at the defenses. When Hofferson's scouting party returned after a year's absence, Bru was working on the docks. They saw each other, and that was it. It was the first time I'd even seen a man and a woman lock eyes and suddenly look like they'd been struck by a thunderbolt."

"So, Mrs. Hofferson doesn't know if I'm an Old Greasy or a Mr. Hofferson?"

"Aye. But after six months of Astrid being as happy as she was this afternoon, Bru will catch on. She might even be ashamed of herself."

A thought struck Hiccup. A question that he had to ask, even if he knew he wouldn't like the answer.

"What did Old Greasy die of?"

His dad grimaced, and looked like he suddenly wanted a strong drink. "No one in this village mourned him, son."

And that was his answer. A Viking knew that death could come at any time. And that some deaths were more warranted than others. Brunhilda Hofferson certainly wouldn't have been the first Viking woman to kill her husband in a last-ditch attempt to get out of the marriage. And she wouldn't have been the first that had been given a pass by the rest of the village.

"Looks like an especially picturesque sunset tonight," Hiccup commented.

"Yes, it looks to be a warm, clear evening," agreed his father.

* * *

Hiccup didn't realize he'd been hoping to see Astrid again until the pebble clattered against the wooden cover of his window.

A second after he threw open the shutter, Astrid's face popped up. She seemed to be hovering in mid-air.

"Looks like you can get to a window without climbing."

Picking up the burning candle stub, Hiccup leaned out of the window and looked down to where Astrid's devoted Nadderhead was holding her up to his window by her beak.

"So how's your mom?" he asked, placing the candle on the floor.

"Pissed off, but finally in a mood to negotiate." Astrid said, leaning on his windowsill, "Your Dad?"

"He started chuckling again after dinner." Hiccup told her, kneeling down on his floor and resting his arm on his windowsill. "I think he'd ask the ceremony to be moved up if we weren't still building out my room."

Astrid peeked her head into the room in question. "It's looking good."

"I think so." Hiccup said, "But it's taking longer than I thought it would."

Astrid's fingers began stroking his hand. Hiccup smiled softly and kissed her on the cheek. He loved her. He would never stop loving her. Just seeing her smiling at him made him feel like he could take on the world.

"I'm surprised you're even here." He told her.

"Yeah, this took some effort."

"Was your mom really in the mood to negotiate?" Hiccup asked, "Or was she just saying that?"

"She eventually got in the mood to negotiate. Especially when I started bargaining. That's... that's kind of why I came tonight."

Heart sinking, Hiccup sat down. "Oh."

"In exchange for her not attacking you – as in never again, under any normal circumstances – I'm not to spend one day with you until the wedding."

Hiccup felt like someone had slapped him. "Not one?"

"Nope. I can't enter your house. I can't walk in your front or back doors or linger in the thresholds of either. I can't send you messages through a note or a glance. No sitting next to each other in the hall, no holding each other's hand in public. Nothing. For a month."

"You can't cross the threshold?"

"She was trying to get me to say I wouldn't even walk by your house. I managed to talk her down."

"Great. So why'd you even come tonight?"

"Because mom goes to bed early, a window is not a threshold, sitting on a windowsill is not entering a house... and I promised nothing about how I spend my nights."

Hiccup found himself grinning as he leaned over, blew out the candle, then grabbed Astrid kissing her passionately. By the Gods, it felt good to finally have his hands on her again.

There was a harrumph at Astrid's feet as her Nadder realized it would be a long night.

* * *

**END**


End file.
